I don’t know if being loved
changes someone, rewires
some fundamental code
in his programming, helping
him take his eyes of decadence –
the screech of a record player,
the confusion on stage as the
artist trips and makes a fool of
himself, the mistake-ridden
countermelody that ruins the fugue –
and focus on something luminous,
or if being loved
helps someone fit the other into
his ideas of happiness, thereby
creating something almost perfect:
a happiness that sustains and
breathes life into him,
or if being loved only
engenders a joyful
illusion, a neon pink bubble of
euphoria that lasts
as long as nothing pierces it,
whatever it may be,
being loved has taught me that
my self with its harrowing features
and scars isn’t the only participant
in the politics of life, death and eternity,
that love has an innocent quality
to it, a tenderness that can purge
even the most self-indulgent
person of his hedonistic impulses
and fill in him a need to reciprocate,
to acknowledge a shy smile with
a laugh of warmth,
to listen and tell the other that
she matters, that he knows she’s
there and accepts it with sincerity.
Being loved has taught me that
scepticism, by which the world measures
intelligence isn’t something worth
losing your soul over,
that nobody is perfect but
accepting imperfect companionship
when it finds its origins in the heart
is the closest thing to finding
something real with substance
and depth. Books and movies
may saturate my mind with concepts,
words may flow across the dimensions
of my psyche, marking their territories,
urging me to use them in clever ways
when I create,
but love helps me get away from myself
and cherish somebody else,
I hold her heart in my hands,
and nothing except sacrifice,
dedication and loyalty will do,
ultimately, irrespective of if love
is something quotidian,
a daily give and take
that most would opt out of,
or if it’s purely emotional,
feelings running
wild, stirring up the blood
and inundating the mind like
a tempest wrecks a tree,
or if it’s something beyond the realm
of senses, the apogee of
togetherness, the essence of
losing yourself to another,
I know that I’ve loved her
and that should count for something,
if not everything.
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