“Peace of mind for five minutes, that’s what I crave.” —Alanis Morissette

I’m not at peace with myself,

I told her, I’ve never been,

I don’t know what it is, but

even when I’ve accomplished

something, I’m disturbed,

not just empty but unsettled,

like something antithetical

to divine light, an unholy darkness

has me in its calloused palm,

there are moments

when the seven demons or

the madness or whatever it is,

releases me, and I find clarity,

a soothing lucidity when

carpe diem isn’t something

in the distance, like the brownstone

across the street, but a sympathetic

force that rearranges the contours

of my mind – transforming the

zigzagging patterns into

a symmetrical whole like

Elijah and Moses transfigured,

shining with the light of the sun.

Oh, how I wish for more

of those moments!

I don’t even know if writing helps,

sometimes peace rises like

the elect raptured from the

spaces between the lines

and consumes me, but sometimes

some cosmic horror snakes its

way through the syllables,

tears the fabric of reality

and blinds me with its

inky tendrils, making me relive

the years wasted,

I know you can’t help me, and I hate

burdening you with this,

but listen… please listen.

Photo by Žygimantas Dukauskas on Unsplash

19 responses to “Peace”

  1. I am listening….
    Nitin, this is so viscerally evocative. I guess we have all had such days but you have beautifully put in words that indescribable feeling.


    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Writing this actually helped a bit since I had one of those days yesterday. And thank you for listening.


      1. You are so welcome, Nitin. I too have had such days and sometimes just putting it on paper helps.


  2. I hope and pray God gives you peace, in all aspect of your life…


    1. That’s such a kind thing to say. Thank you so much! God bless you.


      1. Amen

        And, you’re welcome.


  3. Thanks for the beautiful piece.


    1. Thank you for reading and for your kind words.


  4. For me, writing definitely helps. If I don’t write for a while then I become very unsettled.
    Interestingly, if I don’t listen to music for a while, I become depressed.
    Life is a journey. I hope yours takes you to the inner peace you rightly deserve.


    1. Yeah I totally get not writing for a while and getting unsettled. Having said that, sometimes writing brings back the pain and sometimes it alleviates it. Music is such an integral part of my life too. I listen to it all the time. I do it sometimes even when I write.

      Thank you so much for your kind words. Let’s hope they come true.


      1. You’re welcome.
        That’s interesting. I need complete silence to write, except when I am writing for one specific character. Then I listen to ‘her’ music.


      2. It’s interesting that you should say that because someone else here mentioned using a similar technique. Maybe I should create a perennially brooding Texan who listens to melancholy post-rock and talks about pessimism. But that would only be me with a southern drawl!


      3. Lol, maybe you should!!!


  5. Love this. This is it!!! Wow. Beautiful writing.


    1. Thank you so much for your kind words!


  6. Not burdening Nitin, keep writing, we’re listening. You have the gift of expressing yourself.


    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging kind words Janice. I will keep writing.


  7. This is why when we move forward, we tend not to look over our shoulder. Tripping or falling into a ditch are more likely. If this piece represents a moment or time period that you’ve had, know you’re not alone… you’re human. ❤
    Profoundly gripping piece!


    1. Very true. And yes it does represent times and periods in my life. There have been moments of darkness and moments of peace and lucidity. Thank you for saying that I’m not alone. I often don’t realise it, and so it’s reassuring to hear someone say it. In the end, yes, all this makes us human. Thanks again for the wonderful comment Susan!


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About Me

Ordinary Person is a guy who likes to write. He writes fiction, essays, poems and other stuff.


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