People are always talking about tradition, but they forget we have a tradition of a few hundred years of nonsense and stupidity, that there is a tradition of idiocy, incompetence and crudity.  – Hugo Demartini

Jimmy comes to my corrugated 

shack every weekend and shows 

me his poems, asking for constructive 

criticism. He treks five miles from  

town in the sweltering heat, under 

a briny sky, and says, This is my latest, 

I put it up on Bloggingstar. It reads, 

I have found solace in myself 

because of an unquenchable  

devotion to do what’s right,  

to break barriers with indomitable  

strength and be a paragon of rectitude  

for the generations to come.  

The words, cheesy and self-indulgent  

come to mind, but I tell Jimmy to 

stop focusing on himself and read  

poetry by the greats. You’re really a  

megalomaniac, he replies, they can’t help 

but criticise, and then goes off on a  

tangent about Trump and how we  

should emulate him because he’s  

forthright and down to earth.  

This country is going to shit, and  

I can’t even tweet about it because 

the fascist commies moderate it all,  

he says and shows me his old Luger. 

This helps saves lives! He screams,  

but what do you know? You’re a selfish 

narcissist who hates good counsel.  

This was a Christian nation, damn it! 

Now we have these fucking pansies  

wearing skirts and not standing  

ramrod straight!

I look down, scared 

that he might shoot me if I say  

anything, and Jimmy prattles on  

about Jordan Peterson and  

Alpha-Lobsters, and Andrew Tate 

and his dissing of liberal pussies. 

Real men! That’s what we need! 

Not snowflake egomaniacs! He  

bellows, we need to conserve the 

old tradition.

And I wonder whether  

the tradition of fitting everyone  

into narcissism’s bleak, grey  

spectrum is new or ancient, 

but keep quiet because Jimmy’s  

waving the gun like a fly-whisk.  

I realise that Jimmy’s the

guy who has no place to go,  

no home, and so, he lives in  

people’s heads, setting up a pulpit  

and selling his message with  

a bloody sword in hand. You’re  

a sand-nigger, he says, unlike  

those beautiful Indian women

on Bloggingstar 

with callipygian curves who  

respect people’s opinions,  

and turns and leaves,  

his arse-crack showing what looks  

like a thong wedged in it.  

But I’m too scared to comment,  

and just pray he never comes back.

Photo by 🐣 Luca Iaconelli 🦊 on Unsplash

3 responses to “Tradition”

  1. This was dark and funny but also thought provoking.

    I know this is weird to say, but it helps to have a Jimmy in our heads sometimes, to keep our thoughts grounded. That way we can also understand a little, even if it is against our own personal beliefs, and he acts like a chauvinistic asshole, but I can understand you never wanting him to come back. Nobody enjoys conflict. It would be nice if he didn’t have a luger pointed at you 😝


    1. Thank you Tanmay! And I changed empathise to understand the moment I saw the aargh! 😋 I wish WP would let us edit comments too, but sadly they don’t. Yeah I understand having a Jimmy in our heads. I have a few of them myself lol. They do help keep my thoughts grounded and don’t let me be swallowed up by my crazy ambitions! Perhaps I should allow them to preach a little every now and then, but the Luger pointing thing is terrifying! Once they get to that stage they’re as scary as some mad delusion. They become the antithesis of delusion, but possesses the same intensity which in some strange way makes them delusion. I hope I’m making sense 😝 Thanks again for the wonderful comment!


      1. You made sense to me. Jimmy in moderation is good. Too much of him can be mentally lethal.


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About Me

Ordinary Person is a guy who likes to write. He writes fiction, essays, poems and other stuff.


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