I’ve never had it easy, 

but I don’t say that on a note 

of cloying self-pity, a shrill E6,  

or in a way that makes my pain 

superior to yours,  

a sorrowed yet narcissistic boast.  

It’s just that I’ve never had it easy,  

even more so recently,  

struggling to find viridescence  

in a world that’s gray scale —

Sooty and ashen like something 

straight out of a Victorian nightmare 

with no promise of spring,  

my mother’s sick, struggling  

to walk, bogged down by  

illnesses and fever.  

My father loses  

cognisance, forgetting that he’s 

sitting at the dining table,  

unable to pick up the spoon,  

and recovering from a surgery,  

I find myself at a loss for words —  

The syllables engulfed by life’s  

sorrows and swept away by  

the undertow. 

Years of battling depression, 

breakdowns, and trying in vain  

to suppress the absent-spirit  

that anaesthetises my being  

has made me resigned,  

made me wonder why,  

question the point of it all, 

and today I wept for what  

seemed like the first time in

a long time, wondering where  

this lonely, sordid, potholed path leads,  

I cried out, wondering if God hates  

me, and though I didn’t experience  

an epiphany like a million little  

blue incandescent orbs encircling  

me and flooding me with a lust for 

life, I wondered whether this is  

how God works sometimes,  

speaking through His silence,  

carrying us through broken heartedness  

to some place that might or might  

not be better, but is in accordance  

with his plan, never leaving or 

forsaking us though we see  

no end to suffering in sight. 

Maybe this is His way of making me 

give up my world of make-believe  

and grow despite the scars,  

the hurt and the loneliness. 

Friends forsake, and enemies condemn,  

and in the end, nothing seems to  

matter anymore, but perhaps at  

that bleak place, that wintry crossroads,  

we need to find the will to press on

to become who we are.  

Photo by Daniele Colucci on Unsplash

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6 responses to “Silence”

  1. This is so much more beautiful than: “Getting old and dying sucks.” Thank you for turning your existential reality into something wonderful that resonates with me.


    1. Thank you so much for such a lovely comment Kelly. Lately I’ve been losing followers because some criminally insane sociopaths target me on their blogs, and send mails to others ‘warning’ them about me. The irony is that they call themselves Christians when they’re so blinded to their depravity. Let God be the judge of them. Someone even started taking down my links on the prompts I used to write for too. I got sick of it all and wondered whether blogging was even worth it. That and the personal issues I mentioned in the poem really got to me. It’s because people like you like hearing what I have to say that I decided to come back.


    2. Sad that “Christians” are forgetting to act like Christ. My fave quote about this subject is Ghandi: “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.”


      1. …and she spells Gandhi wrong. Haha. Good thing I’m not a perfectionist. 😉


  2. Hard and heartbreaking path you ate walking right now 💔. May God grant you the peace and strength to carry you through, and may the eloquent words you share be a lifeline for someone else struggling under a heavy burden as well.


    1. Thank you so much for such a beautiful comment Dawn ♥️ That means so much to me. Yes, things are hard right now, but let’s hope what you said comes true and God gives me the peace and strength to press on. And yes, people relating to what someone writes adds a joyous dimension to writing. I didn’t see it once, but I’m beginning to.


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About Me

Ordinary Person is a guy who likes to write. He writes fiction, essays, poems and other stuff.


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