We’re living in the era of video game remakes, but what irritates me is that most of the remakes are the same game with gameplay improvements and next generation graphics. So, here’s my two cents. I’m sure a lot of you will disagree, but doesn’t debate fuel inspiration, making muses descend from their celestial abodes and alight on us mere, grubby plebeians, causing us to speak in impassioned tongues and make metaphorical connections? So, based on the theory that healthy conflict is good, I’ll start by saying that if you’re remaking a game, change the story. Oh! That’s blasphemy! How can you possibly suggest such sacrilege? Some of you might opine, but aren’t you bored? You’ve played the original, fought X and made Y into a mesmeric, dual-blade wielding elf who finds his purpose in a bleak, meaningless world, so why not fight Y this time, and make Z into a godlike, longsword wielding dwarf who makes mistake after mistake, transforming the lush, golden fields into an ashen wasteland? What do you have against dwarves? The supporting cast can stay the same (to an extent) to tug at those strings of nostalgia, to make you shed a tear, and say, I missed this game. This was my childhood, in a quavering voice, but do you need to go through the same quests again? The same beating Madlock, the insane warrior prophet, Guardlock, the enraged sage, and Padlock, the king of thieves? Why not Shortlock, the steely muppet, Snortlock, the coke addicted priest (yeah, I know, he’s an anachronism), and Fartlock, the smelly sorceress? Think about it. Must we just see what we once saw in blocky graphics fleshed out? Why can’t it be something different altogether? Then it won’t be a remake. It’ll be a spinoff, some of you might say. But what difference does it make? You’ve got the same citadel looming in the distance, and the dragons flying around (a feature that made the old game remarkable). You’ve even got Waldo, the frog who accompanies you everywhere. They could give you a few of the same mini-bosses like that farty centurion who turns out to have the golden dagger of light on him and maybe throw in the trademark war cry of the protagonist. We live in our pasts already, reminiscing about college or an ex who’s now married, wondering what direction life would have taken if we hadn’t broken up. Must we relive the past in the virtual world too? That’s like posting the same Facebook status every year. Oh! Wait. They already have that feature. I think it’s called Memories. But the past isn’t tangible. It seems like it is because recollection evokes sharp feeling in you. Memory isn’t even perfect. Your remembrance of her dumping you for big, muscular Jack the jock is an illusion. He was a small, scrawny James, the moneyed nerd who paid for her boob tattoo of Bob Marley grinning. The smile he sees each time he’s on top of her. And yet, you want the same girl, or worse, the same game. A fragmented memory of a quest where you fetch an apple for a beggar does it for you. There was no beggar or apple. It was a cantaloupe you fetched for a king. A real, reimagined remake lets you murder the tyrant and then eat the cantaloupe. It lets you recreate the past. Undo the idiocy and begin a new journey. But I’m sure you’re looking forward to fighting Madlock again, with the same mesmeric abilities and the knives, punching the X button on your PS5 instead of the X button on your PS2 under the same grey sky (only more detailed) having found your purpose in doing the same thing on repeat (a definition of insanity), with the citadel looming in the distance, and a bored Waldo yawning.
Ordinary Person 
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